Michael O’Laughlen’s Forgotten Ability

I found this oil painting of conspirator Michael O’Laughlen today:
Laser Eyed O'Laughlen Painting Sadly, it has already sold for $126. It would have looked just lovely above our mantle, too…

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “Michael O’Laughlen’s Forgotten Ability

  1. OMG!! That’s hysterical.

  2. I wonder if the artist lives in Muscatine County, Iowa.

  3. Too bad that Mike didn’t use the laser to kill those pesky mosquitoes at Fort Jefferson! He could have cured the epidemic, lived and been a hero!

    • “and been a hero!”

      I believe you meant SUPER hero. 😛

      Perhaps the whole yellow fever thing was just a cover up. With this new evidence, it seems perfectly logical to me that O’Laughlen, finally fed up with his plight and circumstances, transformed from a mild mannered conspirator to an angry super villain out for revenge. Using his laser vision, he laid waste to the guards, officers and any prisoners who opposed him. While his actions promoted Dr. Mudd into becoming the head doctor for the prison, he and the other conspirators could no longer abide by O’Laughlen’s slaughter. The three men trapped O’Laughlen in the prison hospital and vowed to take him down no matter the cost. Armed with cribbage boards and boxes decorated with shells, Dr. Mudd and Samuel Arnold rushed at him. O’Laughlen used his laser vision to bring down part of the hospital roof onto the men. Though trapped, they were unharmed. O’Laughlen turned to the only man left who defied him, Edman Spangler. The villain eyed his target and said “Goodbye, Ned.” As the lasers shot toward him, quick thinking Spangler grabbed a nearby mirror and held it up. O’Laughlen’s laser beams reflected back toward him, striking him square in the face. The villain fell down, killed by his own weapon. Convinced that no one would believe the truth, the officers and prisoners of Fort Jefferson decided to cover up the whole incident. The recorded cause of death for all of Michael O’Laughlen’s fatalities, including himself, was “yellow fever”. But those who lived through the harrowing experience of September 1867, remember the truth forever. And one of their descendants painted this painting so that the truth would finally come out.

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